Thursday, January 1, 2015

Everything is possible. Welcome to 2015!

Dear friends!

I am writing this on the New Year's Eve, as the year 2014 comes to an end. It is a time to slow down and think, and reflect on what has been done during the year, how the year has been, what I am proud of, happy with, would make differently, learnt and did. Since it has been an amazing year in all aspects for me, I want to share my feelings and experience with you. Because you are my friends. Maybe something in this post will help you recall or forget, do or stop doing, dare or reconsider. If you are bored with the prospect of reading my story you can stop reading now. If you are curious, welcome.

I've done a lot this year: first of all, I set goals. I declared my wishes, my wildest dreams (or so I thought, oh, why didn't I wish for more? :) ). And then I went on with my everyday life, from time to time picking that piece of paper with the goals and dreams and just quietly wondering if they ever come true.

Then I bought an apartment. It was a goal. I have been thinking about it for several years. I almost lost hope of reaching this goal. And suddenly it all fell into place and I did it. I dreamt of renovating it, designing it the way I wanted it to see, of sun warming up my rooms in the morning, of birds singing behind the window in summer and cool breezy evening tea on the balcony. So, I went on, I hired a designer, a builder and went on dreaming, planning, calculating and cursing the builder of course. My new sunny cosy apartment slowly took form I dreamt of.

2 weeks after I bought the apartment, I was contacted by a recruiter. From London. From Google. This was not exactly my goal for the year, because I I tried applying to Google several times several years ago and stopped believing it was possible at all. I just looked around for something challenging, bigger income (who doesn't?), I did not even publish my CV anywhere any more. So, at that point I did not believe it would get anywhere at all. So, I went on with my apartment renovation.

And then I was invited for the next interview. And the third. And the fourth. And then onsite interview. I started cutting my renovation budget, because if I suddenly had got the contract (is that even possible?!) there would have been no point in investing much into an apartment I was not going to live in. And then one more video-interview. And then an offer. And then there were 2 weeks of painful decision making. Daring to change the place, the pace and the way I live. And change it for my son too. Now that I've got an opportunity in my hands I felt extremely scared. It seemed not doable. Not manageable. Unthinkable. But I knew from my past experience that it is usually things I could do and didn't do that I regret most. So, I plunged into the unknown and unthinkable (for me at least). It was May.

I accepted the offer.
I told my employer.
I spent several nights investigating London schools and housing.
I cut my renovation budget to a minimum.
I found a school and secured a place for my son from September.
I started to pack things and plan relocation.

At this point in time it still seemed unreal. I was not sure I would not come back by end of summer.
I hurried the renovation, I moved in as soon as possible, and spent one month in my new fresh renovated apartment. Knowing that I only have 1 month to live in it, I enjoyed every morning, every day and evening of it. Every walk from the car to the door was meaningful. Every birdsong behind the window mornings and evenings was special, because I did not have any idea whether I would hear them again in this setting after I leave. This was an amazing experience. Life is so colourful when you enjoy every moment.

June went peacefully. In the end of June the hurry started. We packed son's suitcases and sent him to Zurich for summer. In 2 days I packed a backpack and went for a 8 days vacation. Germany-Austria-Alps!-Italy-Iseo-Milano-Tallinn. On July 5th I took my 3 suitcases and flew to London. It was becoming very real.

By this moment I've had 2 of my major goals for the year completed.

First 2 months in London were fantastic, scary and chaotic at the same time. I enjoyed London and summer (it hasn't rained for 34 days in a row. In London.), my mind went crazy of all the information at work, and outside of work. On my 2nd day I went for training to Dublin, in 2 days I was back and in 2 more days I flew to US for a week. But before I flew to US I managed to find an apartment for rent. While in US I booked an apartment (at 2AM at night over the phone), came back confused and jet-lagged and in the beginning of August I've got keys and could move in.

In the end of August my son came to London. We moved again, from the temporary apartment to the new one (we moved 2 times in 3 months!) and prepared for school year.

Although by this time I felt better at work, I still had no idea how my son is going to manage school in English.  First school day we both were nervous. It all turned out not just fine, but ways better than we expected. He came back smiling and happy. At that day he suddenly realised that he could actually understand those people talking in English. With every passing day, although he did not always understand everything, he realised more and more that he could speak a foreign language, he could do something he had a hard time believing he could do. This is a powerful feeling.

It was also another goal accomplished (well, I just wanted to send my son abroad for English summer camp...).

Now the whole adventure finally became doable. Basically it became done.
During September, October, November and December we both studied, learnt alot, did alot, it was not  all easy, but it was not overly hard.

The lessons we learnt (and now I am speaking on behalf of both myself and my son) - and I am going to use some of the quotes I've read and used previously, which now have proven to be absolute truth:


  1. "So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." Christopher Reeve
  2. There are lots of great people around. Everywhere. Live humans, that care and understand what you feel and are ready to help. You are not alone. If you have a problem, a question, lost, confused or overwhelmed, say, shout and ask for help. You will be helped.
  3. In reality things are less scary and less hard that you think they are. At the same time you are smarter, stronger and, in general, more capable that you think you are. Now, telling other people about schools and districts in London, I am truly amazed at how much I was actually able to investigate in the short amount of time, remotely!
  4. Talk to people and listen. Every person can share something that you don't know and that is useful to you. Everybody knows something you don't, which can help you with your questions you have. And do ask questions. You have no idea where help can come from. 2 weeks ago I had no idea how to organise the New Year's eve - watching fireworks in the city looked like a risky idea to me (hundreds of thousands will be there!) and the tickets were all long gone. And then when I mentioned it at the lunch table, I've got two solutions at once!
  5. Be thankful for what you have. Be content with what you have and what you do and what you can do, and you'll find yourself suddenly more and more happy every day, and having a hard time to pinpoint anything "bad" about your life.
  6. Enjoy every moment of the life you have. You never know for how long you are going to have it. Everything can change in a day, week, month, so enjoy what you have now. And if you don't like it, go change it, because everything is doable. See p.1. 

Here in London I also started seeing more and more people who has done what I earlier believed was impossible or really hard to do. Some relocated from another continent, some live apart from their husbands and wives, flying to each other on weekends, some travel the world, some work and study and have kids at the same time, some are residents of multiple countries, some have multicultural and multinational families. And suddenly this doesn't seem anything out of the ordinary. It shows me, again and again, that everything is doable, it is just the question of whether and how you want it done.

Meeting new interesting people was yet another goal of mine for the year 2014, which was accomplished.

So, skeptic as I am, a person who has always had a hard time believing in herself, I started to believe that everything is possible given you have a dream, a wish, a goal and you are ready to work towards it. And the best part of it is ..... it is not that hard at all!

I wish you a happy 2015 year,
a year, full of opportunities to fulfil your dreams,
to reach your goals and
to change your life they way you want it to be,
and to dare making the first or the next step,
believe in yourself
and do it.

Happy New 2015 Year!


Friday, May 3, 2013

Hard work pays off...

Today my kid, a 3d grade student, called me and proudly announced that he was first in the math competition in his school among 3d and 4th graders. He was very proud of himself! I used the opportunity to immediately remind him of all the hard work he put into studying and solving complicated math puzzles and not giving up. I tied together the work and the feeling of accomplishment he had today. I hope he remembered the message.

It was not only hard work that paid off. He can study hard in other subjects as well, but he doesn't usually get such results in them. Math is one of his favourites, so hard work done in math pays better off than the same hard work done, say, in music. The second key to success is to like what you do.

His voice on the phone inspired me today to observe myself - do I love what I do?

Hard work multiplied by love to what you do pays off exponentially. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Passing moments

Live in a moment... Enjoy the present... There's no past and future... Many philosophies and psychologists tell us these mottoes every day.

I understood the value of a passing moment when I finally realized that the things we are given are not to be taken for granted. They might not stay around forever and we might not have another chance to enjoy them.
Once I went on a trip in Europe. I didn't cherish the moments back then. Found lots of things that went wrong and didn't pay much attention to the pleasures of the journey. Later, for several years I didn't have much opportunity to travel, and when I finally got it and went traveling the next time, I enjoyed every moment of it, knowing very well, that I actually do not know when will be my next time to board a plane and take a vacation like this. This constant realization helped a lot to enjoy the vacation. I do not remember any negative moments about it (and I am sure they were there), only positive memories left.

The moments we have in our life are unique. An evening movie with a kid, a tender kiss of a lover, a morning sun, warming your forehead and waking you up, a blossoming flower - tomorrow a kid might suddenly switch to books, the moment of tenderness will pass and sun will get up from slightly another angle, - and you will never experience the same moment again.

Enjoy it while you can. :)


Monday, April 29, 2013

Why copy-paste is worse than spending time on coding

Some weeks ago I learnt one important lesson: sometimes, saving time is worse than learning a tiny bit of new.
That's complicated, I know. I'll explain...

Today I faced a task of transferring one 44 lines long and 2 columns wide Excel table into an XML format.
If you are related to IT in any way, I am sure, you've had such a challenge at least once in your work.
I had a choice:
  1. create one entry in XML manually, copy-paste 44 of them and then change the values inside by copy-pasting them from the Excel table - dumb but familiar and simple OR
  2. write a formula in Excel once to create an XML entry automatically, then drag it down to the end of the table, and copy-past the whole table into the XML file - unknown and difficult.
First option was easy AND quick. I am quick at typing and switching between windows.
Second option MIGHT be slower, and not so easy. It has an initial investment of time and brains to quickly produce results later. What's also important is that if the original data gets changed, I just need to copy-paste the new "2 columns" and my formula will recreate the XML.

My first intention was to use option nr. 1. This is a one time task, probably, next time if I have to do it I will have to write another formula, so what I DO now is not that reusable etc. But then it occured to me that the result of the DOING might not be reusable, but the result of LEARNING is definitely reusable.

Now, several weeks in the future, I can tell that I have used this small but very useful newly acquired skill several times by now, and getting better and quicker at it every time I do it.

So, next time you want to quickly do it the easy and familiar way, stop and think for a second - will it be worth spending some extra minutes on the task and do it a new way, learning something new on the way?

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Do Something Now

These days I have a CD in my car playing, among other songs, Nickelback's "When we stand together". I started by liking the music, which inspires a certain mood in me, a mood to do something, and as it often is, the music doesn't go alone. When I started understanding the words, they inspired me even more.

Has it ever happened to you that you see a beggar or a person in despair, but are so busy with your thoughts or plans that you simply pass by?

Does it happen to you that you watch the evening news with the report from battlefields, indignant at the government and crazy extremists, then turn the TV off, and go on about your daily routine without remembering even where it was?

How often do you throw away food leftovers from your table? 
How often do you throw away unopened food you bought but never ate?

Have you ever thought of doing something beyond fulfilling your own needs to help someone who cannot help him/herself? If you did, I believe sometimes you gave up just because you couldn't do much alone, and noone was there to support you or join you. I feel it myself sometimes.


                                                             
                                                                 
                                                                     NICKELBACK
                                                       "When We Stand Together"

One more depending on a prayer
And we all look away
People pretending everywhere
It's just another day
There's bullets flying through the air
And they still carry on
We watch it happen over there
And then just turn it off

We must stand together
There's no giving in
Hand in hand forever
That's when we all win

They tell us everything's alright
And we just go along
How can we fall asleep at night
When something's clearly wrong
When we could feed a starving world
With what we throw away
But all we serve are empty words
That always taste the same

The right thing to guide us
Is right here inside us
No one can divide us
When the light is nearly gone
But just like a heartbeat
The drumbeat carries on
And the drumbeat carries on
Just like a heart beat

Express yourself

Yesterday I visited my friend, who is a mother of two kids: a 7yo boy and a 1yo girl. As it usually happens, visiting a friend with a baby turns into participating in babysitting and house-holding during the visit, so I took part in playing games and a delicate process of bathing. In the bath there was a toy volcano, which you could fill with a bath foam and imitate eruption by pressing a secret rubber pump on the side. The delight on baby's face, when the volcano suddenly erupted with foam was absolutely limitless. Her eyes and smile went wide, she breathed in with a sound of amazement - "aaaaahhhhh!" and her hands went dancing in the air, followed by legs and head - she was all happiness. When the eruption ceased (Mom's hand was tired), smile and eyes became curious, and when it continued, the amazement returned.

It made me thinking how different we are -  a 1yo kid and a 30-something women. We are actually also delighted and amazed, but  do we show it? Nope, or in a very "limited edition". A polite smile, a quiet "wow!" or "hmmm" is all we produce. Most of us lose our ability to be amazed or delighted somewhere in the teen age. Not many adult people sincerely express their delight at the sight of the magnificent mountains or feeling of love and serenity in the quiet and silent forest paradise next to a small flowing river.

What about pain? How often do we express ourselves when we fell pain? When we feel hurt and stressed out, or just plain simple physical pain? It becomes less and less appropriate in our culture to express feelings, even in the family, at home. Even alone.

We don't even express ourselves during sex, which is one of the most spontaneous, pleasant and relaxing activities at all! We are proud by our ability to be strong and suppress our emotions which is often mistaken for controlling them. We forget how to relax, laugh, cry, be delighted, sad or angry.

“It is a grave injustice to a child or adult to insist that they stop crying. One can comfort a person who is crying which enables him to relax and makes further crying unnecessary; but to humiliate a crying child is to increase his pain, and augment his rigidity. We stop other people from crying because we cannot stand the sounds and movements of their bodies. It threatens our own rigidity. It induces similar feelings in ourselves which we dare not express and it evokes a resonance in our own bodies which we resist.” ― Alexander LowenThe Voice of the Body

Showing emotions and expressing feelings is expressing ourselves as human. Being human and accepting ourselves in our humanity (including the whole range of emotions we might have) helps to build strong relationships, cooperate, lead people, do business, accomplish big projects, raise kids, and most of all - be content with our life and be happy.

I am not saying we should express every emotion as it comes with all its might in any given place and situation. That would indeed be inadequate, but we should understand what we feel and let ourselves express the feeling arisen, either by talking about it sincerely or just allowing it to be, later, in a comfortable environment where it won't hurt other people.

Don't be shy to express happiness and delight as they come! There is no better sight than a sight of a person, amazed, delighted or simply happy and cheerful. It is contagious too, which means that by being happy and showing it you are actually making people around you happier.

Stop trying to impress others. Express yourself.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Experience

"One of the few things worth having in life is experience." 
I realized this driving one morning to work. The day promised to be busy and difficult, and my stomach sometimes tied to a knot anticipating difficult discussions and some unpleasant tasks. I didn't sleep enough hours some nights before and dreamt about Saturday morning just to sleep at the same time knowing well that I will also have to work on Saturday. The ongoing project I am managing is very challenging, and some of my character traits make it even more difficult for me.

Being quite a materialist myself, loving comfort and nice things, I thought that it is possible to have less stressful and challenging work for the same money, still have the same things in my life, but with less efforts and difficulties....

Thinking all that and turning to the office building I suddenly realized that indeed I might HAVE the same things in life - stuff, car, salary, travels etc. What I will lose is EXPERIENCE. This project from the very beginning was a very interesting experience - starting from the content and ending with all the psychological challenges I had to come through personally. And if I hadn't had it, I would have missed a TASTE of life, a very important piece of my living story, piece that made me who I am today, me, whom I accept and love more than I used to. No stuff would ever give me this feeling.

I realized that having lived and living through situations, fears, successes and failures, having experienced and still experiencing them gives my life much more color and taste than anything else. So, I urge you to HAVE not things in our lives, but experience.